LOST AND FOUND...

I am sure I am not the first person this has happened to...I lost my voice,  not my literal speaking voice, my creative one.  I lost the voice that imagines and makes art, the one that stings together thoughts and turns them into words, the one that directs my minds eye to see, feel, hear, taste, touch, and create in my own tactile unique way.  I fell victim to the voices of advice from others. While advice is a wonderful thing that can spark a new direction or reroute a train of thought onto a broader path but it can also get into your head and derail you.  Advice is meant to be guidance or a recommendation but it is ultimately up to me to decide if that is best for me. 

While trying to decide a direction to take I thought I would educate myself in a few areas to help get my bearings.  I took a couple courses that seemed a good fit and started making a plan.  I consulted a few professionals who gave me great advice.  What was supposed to encourage and energize me became information overload and I let myself feel like I could never be a success or reach my goals if I did not do it the way that was pointed out.  Labels were being bandied about, things like "marketing" "target audience/customer" "branding" "tag line" "platform" "social media presence" "finding your voice" "reigning in content" ...etc. that literally stifled my creativity.

In the midst of trying to connect with other like minded creative types I decided to check out a local art group.  It felt more like an interview than a gathering.  I failed the interview...after questions about what I make, what my art pedigree was, if I had had any gallery showings, did I teach, blah, blah, blah, I received a sniff of disapproval as I overheard a cluster of members snarking that I was one of those "Outsider" artists.  In their eyes being self taught equals untrained and untalented.  Also, this group was made of primarily painters (oil and water colorist), they did not understand my art and I left feeling no desire to further our relationship.

I cannot say exactly when or what happened but I literally could not get past my self doubt.  I could not compose a thought to write.  I would sit in my studio for hours and just look around, no creative spark or idea.  I would try to putter with this or that but my heart was not in it.  I tried focusing on my blog by sprucing it up and mostly sat on the "create a new post" page watching a blinking cursor in a white block of space.  I thought maybe I could focus on social media more, pitiful attempt on my part, its just not my thing.  I took my camera on field trips and it never left the shelter of its bag.  I was stifled and stagnant, my voice was simply gone, until I read these words...

"...Do not let your splendor be dormant, show your colors...." {Cherie Haas}

With Autumn right outside my cottage windows color is ablaze in hues of red, yellow, brown, green, and orange against a stunning backdrop of a water blue sky, I am in awe of natures show of color.  I am in wonder at natures ability to stay true to its self, its seasons, its times, its talents, and its treasures to be found in each stage of times turning.  Nature does not hide who or what it is with its energized lush blooming spring moments, nor does it change its slow and lazy summer days followed by a burst of showy color each autumn just before it slips into its barren quite winters.  It keeps a steady rhythm of doing what it is meant to do how and when it is meant to do it and it never doubts its plan or purpose. 

I am reminded of Matthew 5:15, you don't light a lamp then put it under a basket...I had snuffed out my own light with doubt and trying to be who I am not.  I may not have a big successful huge voice because I am not following "the rules" to success and I am perfectly okay with that because starting today I will be true to myself, my abilities and talents, finding my own steady rhythm of expressing my artistic voice.  With this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, no longer dormant.  Like autumn, I will show my colors.

I encourage you all to unleash your splendor and show your colors, reflect and emit your own unique light!

blessings,

Sandy

Wow, that was a lot of words, I think I got my voice back :)