"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is is a part of ourselves, we must die to one life before we can enter another."
This morning my head is filled with crazy song lyrics amid a mixed confusion of feelings for all that has transpired over the weekend. On the one hand I hear the Beatles singing, "You say goodbye and I say hello, hello, hello, I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello..." And I am wondering the same thing, why oh why did I say goodbye to my cozy, magical, tucked away in the back corner of the house, safe, best lit, deer, bird, and squirrel viewing, everything I need is only a few steps away studio!!! I said goodbye and my little abandoned studio is calling hello to me.
And then there is that song of longing for something that has passed. Running through my brain is, "You're gonna miss this, your gonna want this back, You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, So take a look around, You may not know it now, But you're gonna miss this..." I found every last word of this chorus to be true. I could hardly sleep last night for wishing I could move back in there. I must be crazy.Perhaps you would like to hear the rest of the story as I have left you at an ending and not begun at the beginning. It all started on Friday afternoon. I had been happily creating in my Midsummer's Dream blue studio the entire day not knowing it was to be my last day to inhabit that space. It caught me by surprise and I have been reeling ever since.
Handy Hubby and I were on the way up to the farm to mow and weed the yard when he made the announcement. Due to the recent changes at his work he would no longer have an office there but be based out of a home office and in the field. The current office situation will no longer work as his desk is in a common area of the home with no way to shut out distractions or noise he might need for phone calls or concentration on blueprints. So, he needed my studio.He was being extremely generous because he was offering me the larger of the two spaces we could use. I would then have room to have up to six students if I wanted to begin holding classes, more wall space, larger windows, and a closet double in size for supply storage. He did not need that much space, just one wall really for his desk, computer, and product literature storage. We could get a small sofa bed for seating and that would solve guest sleeping if needed - not the most comfortable but the most practical. It sounded like a wonderful solution. He dangled the carrot and I bit!
We chattered like two squirrels all the way to the farm and back sharing ideas, plans, and dreams for our new spaces, both excited over the prospect. The next day we were at the paint store selecting our perspective paint chips still riding on an excited high. With a quick move of the assorted accumulation in what was to become my new studio we were off and painting.In the afternoon when the paint dried we got the contents of the room moved in an somewhat placed. I was still on an excited high at that point. We rounded out the day by patching, sanding, and priming the old studio. Yesterday we tackled the painting. I let Handy Hubby pick out his own paint chip for his new office and was shocked that he picked a shade of red - Calico. It is more of a brick red and in some lighting can look a little like brown. Anyway, paint away we did. We will do the second coat this evening, with a little touch up of the trim to freshen it back up, and then it will be move in ready.The singing in my head began last night as I was trying to go to sleep. I was tossing and turning and suddenly feeling anxious. I had the crazy thought of slipping out of bed and running to the big box store for primer and paint and restoring my room to it former glory and putting my stuff back in there, letting Handy Hubby be lost in all that other space. Space is highly over rated, you really don't need that much.
Sensing my restlessness, he asked me what was wrong and I felt silly saying it aloud. "I miss my room!" He said, "I understand, I really do, it is not about the room, it is about the change." He was right. I was nervous about all the changes we have had taking place. I was anxious about having our lives, routines, and schedules altered. I was wondering how he could conduct business and I classes or have friends over without the one disturbing the other. I was wondering about the blending of this new phase in life for us.
This morning I stood in the hall between the two rooms and looked at them both and thought of all the changes they have seen since we moved here. First they housed a little boy and a baby girl and those were happy golden years. They changed and housed a tween and a teen. They moved forward housing a young man and a young lady. Then, all too soon they were empty. One grew into a small home studio and the other a place for a collection of oddities. Now it is time for them to grow and change and be useful in new ways.
From where I stood I could see the two new colors on the walls and there was a certain harmony and coordination between the two as I knew there would have to be between each rooms occupant. I said goodbye to what was, smiling, and facing what is. Yes, I am going to miss this...But, with the offer ringing in my ears of the last words he whispered to me as we dropped off to sleep, "It's just paint. If you are not happy we can change it back and move you back in anytime you want to. And, if you don't want to, you can sit in my chair anytime you want to and watch the deer. It's gonna be OK." He wasn't talking about the paint or the choice of rooms, he was talking about us and our lives. We are going to be OK.
As I tackle trying to make this new room feel magical a new tune pops into my head, I hear whistling and the words, "Here's a little song I wrote, You might want to sing it note for note, Don't worry be happy, In every life we have some trouble, When you worry you make it double, Don't worry, Be Happy, Don't worry be happy now..."
I am off to make myself a happy day and I hope that you all will do the same!