Friday, July 20, 2012

WHAT'S ON THE WORK TABLE AND ON MY MIND...

Over the last couple of days I have been trying to find my creative groove again. Taking care of my mother has begun to take its toll on me. The studio has sat in a state of nauseating cleanliness for weeks now without me even stepping through the door. My body has been tired, my mind numb from the weight of decisions being made, and my heart is battered from the range of emotions that come with watching the sickness and suffering of a loved one. I have been weaving my way in and out of my days trying to absorb each new event or each new piece of news...
One of the conditions my mother is suffering from may be genetic. I am told I may also be carrying the deformed gene. If I am tested it may help to identify if is in fact genetic or a mutation. I don't want to know (maybe someday but not today), it really does not matter, it won't change the changes in my mother. Over the last two weeks we have watched her slip into what can only be described as insanity. I keep wondering if I am getting a glimpse into my own future. I wonder how many layers of my life will be stripped away until there is nothing left of me but an outline of who I used to be...
With these things on my heart and mind, yesterday, I was able to briefly step into the studio pulling out paints and textiles to feel my way back into that creative groove. I lost myself in layers of comforting colors brushing and weaving my worries away. For a small span of time my fears receded, my worries ceased, I was at peace. Somehow my messy life seemed to come to order...
A little bit of normal went a long way to sooth my aching soul. I don't know when I will be able to cross the thresh hold of creativity again, maybe not for days, maybe not for weeks, but I will take comfort in knowing it is there waiting for me as familiar and comforting as my mothers arms have always been. I won't forget how either feels or what each means to me. Life may be a little sideways at the moment...
I may not be able to spend much time here with you, dear friends, visiting, commenting, or even posting but I wanted you to know that you have been on my mind and how much I appreciate your kind thoughts, prayers, and loving support during this difficult time. May God's best blessings be yours.


20 comments:

Vee said...

I see nothing out of the ordinary on your blog, Sandy. Phew! Do you still see it? And, no, this is not a sanity test.

How troubling to be dealing with these big issues with your mother. I hope that you will be able to find your mother the care and help that she needs. Her needs can not take priority over everyone else's in the family or the entire ship will sink. One thing is certain, God has a plan and He will work things out.

Isn't it human of us to fret and worry about what our futures may look like having seen our parents' struggles? I think we all do it, Sweet Friend. How good to remember that all we can do is to lean into the Lord trusting, trusting, trusting.

Much love...I will miss your being around as often and pray for the day when you'll return as often as you wish.

Your project is so beautiful...

Blessed Serendipity said...

Sandy,
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these difficult issues. It is really hard to watch a loved one's health decline. Praying for you and your mom.

blessings,
Danielle

Tina @ TinyBear Studio said...

This is such a hard time for you Sandy - I´m feeling with you and sending prayers and thoughts. Glad you were able to spend a little time in your studio the distract the thoughts and worries.

I don´t see any add on your blog, so hope everything is solved and back to normal.

Sending many blessings my friends
xx Tina

Ruth Kelly said...

I've missed your art and posting but it is clearly understandable at the emotions you are going through. I don't blame you for not wanting to be tested - I feel the same way. May the Lord give you strength to tread these waters of adversity.

bobbie said...

Sandy ~ I'm so sorry you are having to deal with those health issues for both you & your Mom ~
As a nurse, I know that sometimes the family needs more care than the patient does.
I will be keeping you & yours in my heart and thoughts~
If I may ~ sending you huge hugs ~

Createology said...

Sandy Dear you have said so well all the feelings and despair you and your family are going through at this difficult time. Your blessed piece of art is peaceful and beautiful...a symbol of freedom. My heart is with you and I continue prayers and healing hugs for you my friend. Blessings dear...

EllenaElizabeth said...

All I can say is that I hope through sharing with us you have eased the load a tiny wee bit. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Lorrie Orr said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling, not only with your sweet mother's health, but with the possibility of a future for yourself you don't want to consider.
I pray that you will find peace and comfort as you daily trust the Lord who loves you so much.

Gail Thayer said...

Sandy,
Please know that you're not alone.....many of us have issues in dealing with parents in decline and it's very troubling.....wishing you strength. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your dear Mom.

kimber said...

Please know that you are loved and that I am praying for heart's ease as you are learning to live with caring for your mother. I am caregiver to my grown daughter and her family after brain surgery 6 years ago. I've learned to take not just one day at a time but one moment at a time. To find the blessings that are jumbled withing the tragedies. My art is my blessing and my sanity. I try to do one little creative thing a day, nothing big. It helps me to hold on to me. Thank you for sharing not only your art but your heart.

StasaLynn said...

I came to your blog through Karen Valentine's Blog Hop.... (I did see your studio and it is beautiful) but your post about your creative moment during all of emotional stresses in your life right now spoke to me.... I have you and your family in my prayers and want to thank you for sharing your feelings.... It is beautiful (for us the reader) and a bit cathartic (for you).....

Many blessings to you and yours,
Stacey

Katherine said...

Well girl, I hope your hardships will straighten out quickly and that you get some sunshine in there! L( A beautiful creation, as always by you! :)

Hugs,

Robin said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, Sandy! How hard that must be. You are certainly in my thoughts.

Your work is beautiful, as is your studio. Thanks for coming to visit my folk art-y-ness!

Jennifer @ Town and Country Living said...

Hi Sandy. I feel your pain. My mother has Alzheimer's and I've seen her slip away slowly. My father is now showing signs of dementia and we recently needed to make a decision about their care. The process was exhausting, checking out every option to make sure we didn't miss something. The range of emotions was even more draining. My grandmother also had Alzheimer's and I figure I'm probably doomed to get it ... but now I can see how it's almost a blessing in disguise. My mother is the happiest I've ever seen her ... she doesn't stress and worry like she used to, because she doesn't remember what she has to worry about. So now it's not so scary for me. Anyway, I hope that you will find grace and peace to see you through. When we are weak, God has the opportunity to show His amazing strength and love. Rest in His arms!

Denise said...

I am so sorry to hear this news. Although I can not even fathom what you are going through, I did watch my mother slowly slip into dementia. I pray that you find peace with your situation. It can be a difficult path. Stay strong and create!

QueenMarcy said...

I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope things will settle down for you and your mom.
QueenMarcy

ekewin said...

hugs and prayers for strength and peace

Laura Kirste Campbell said...

I prayed for you today...Psalm 19 and 23...for peace. May you feel the Lord's arms around you when you need comfort and Him carrying you when you are undone. I pray your chilly fears disappear as you feel the warmth of His light through His Word and the sweetness of His presence.
Know you are prayed for.

Blessings from Cindy said...

Sweet Sandy~
My heart aches for you and know that I will continue to pray for you. Taking a snippet of time to create is a good thing and however long it takes to get through this painful journey, know that we will wait for you to return as you can. God is there holding you and may His peace & comfort surround you.
Blessings & Hugs,
Cindy

Helen Read said...

Blessings to you, Sandy, in the midst of such difficult times. I'm so sorry about your mother and what you are in the middle of dealing with. I hope you find time to create just for the peace of that outlet! I'm saying a prayer for your family.

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