Thursday, September 20, 2012

ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING...


 Eyes fluttering open as the edges of the dream world recede and reality sets in.  With only a few blinks the day already feels heavy or perhaps that was just my heart.  Move into the day I must, and so it is began again, another day of living loss. The grieving process is different for everyone.  I am not sure if it is better to have one great consuming loss or if it is better to be done over snippets of time like it is being experienced as my mother slips further from her former self a little each day.  I have experienced both ways now, each leaving an ache in the soul, a gaping emptiness that is never quite filled again.  A sigh escapes as I arise and move through my morning ritual.
The cool contact of damp wood on bare foot stills me.  Something is different.  A soft refreshing wind brushes feathery light kisses across my skin making it prickle.  My spirit lightens.  I breathe deeply the scent of damp earth and crisp clean air.  The woodlands call to me to come and explore.  I gratefully accept the invitation.
Standing in the beams of the morning sun, hair lifting on fingers of the breeze, I felt the elements waring for my favor.  Warmth and light make me lift my face, close my eyes, and savor the invisible contact of incandescence.  The sound of the wind is like the gentle whisper of "Shhh..." through its puckered lips blown across fingered tree tops, it stills my soul.   I give them equal attention as a small measure of peace slips around me like a light mantle.
I turn my back on the responsibilities of the day and simply walk away.  With each step I felt the restlessness in my spirit being sated.  I idly wandered along a meandering path in the east woods stopping to drink in deep breaths of sight and sound.  That is when I noticed the absence of the constant thrum that vibrates the summer air.  The cicadas had gone silent, no grasshoppers sawing a lazy summer tune, not even a peep from the peepers.  
 
Standing stock still, I watched a tree breathe.  Its lifeblood of sap coursed through its veins, a slight movement right then left gave it the appearance of the rise and fall of human breath as its barrel chested trunk moved in rhythmic motion at the brushing of the passing wind.
Along the ridge, over a rise, through the woods, along a deer path, where there was no path I continued my journey.  I thought of my inherit need to connect with nature in a tangible way.  It makes me feel grounded in a way that nothing else does.  It is my escape just as surly as it was my ancestors.  I take to the woods to seek reprieve from the oppressions of life as they did.  I find strength, renewal, peace, and shelter in this form or prayer, this aimless walking.  My trail too, is covered with tears.
Passage of time ceases to matter.  Destination does not need to be decided.  Thought can be fleeting.  Foot to earth is all that matters.  I stop.  There is a gift on my path...a downy feather, a message from nature to contemplate.  My ancestors believed that all feathers relate to the human spirit and its innate connection to the Divine.  A feather has the ability to lift, insulate, and protect against life's elements.  The symbolic meaning of a feather is to inspire us to soar to new heights.  This simple gift from nature was a symbol of reassurance, appearing in this difficult phase of life, letting me know that I am loved and watched over.  I am under His wings.
Lift of head, lift of heart, lift of lips in bow curved smile, I step homeward.  At the trail head amid a blanket of coppery decaying leaves is one brilliant spot of color.  Riddled with rays of lemon and orange radiating to  ruby red center is a setting sun rooted to the earth.  Its brilliance against the dull backdrop makes me gasp.  
 I have glimpsed the intricate beauty of life this day, sadness and sorrow, past and present, life and death, the natural world and the celestial one, all interconnected.  I return with renewed vigor to the chirping of the phone, and so it is begun again, another day of living...

13 comments:

bobbie said...

If I may ~ please consider yourself very hugged.

Vee said...

You describe this feeling so well... Remembering you all in prayer. The Lord knows. He knows. He knows. He loves. He loves. He loves. Keep taking these walks. There's a poem that I just read yesterday morning in devotions...

I walked a mile with Pleasure.
She chattered all the way; But left me none the wiser For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow, And ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her When Sorrow walked with me.

Lorrie Orr said...

So beautifully written, Sandy. May the peace you found this morning with God in the woods stay with you throughout the day. Hugs.

amy of four corners design said...

I felt as if I walked with you...I know all too well what you are facing...I am glad that you heeded the voice from the woods and took a moment of solace for yourself...

Marilou Bain said...

Hi my dear Sandy, Know that you are thought of everyday and I pray for your pain to ease, your thoughts and feelings so beautifully written, I hug you with my heart, we are all shaped by our life's experiences, losses, blessings and how we face them. They form our character, compassion and understanding of life. Some just leave us limp and helpless until we can look up, seek a higher purpose and move on. Healing is along process that is not met overnight, God picks us up when we can not do it for ourselves. You are in "his arms" and carried into another day. Prayers, blessing and love are sent from me to you:) xoxo Marilou

Blessings from Cindy said...

My Dear Sandy~
My heart aches with you and your words offer such a mental picture of the journey you are on right now. May God continue to hold you in His Arms each day. As you share your awe inspiring difficult time, you also comfort those of us who still mourn our losses.
Hugs & Blessings,
Cindy

Createology said...

Your words are beautifully written and I feel your sentiment deeply. May you have blessings and know you and your family are in my prayers.

Laura Ingalls Gunn said...

Not everyone who has sight truly sees the beauty that is all around.

Your photos are truly works of art.

Lady Locust said...

Amazing post! When I feel as though someone is having a taffy pull with my soul, I find inner peace in the woods as well. I wish you every blessing through this day and every one that follows.
JoeyLea

Katherine Wolak said...

Beautiful post... love your message and lovely photos, you are so right!

Hugs,

sandra said...

I am so glad He left a feather in your path, to remind you. You are sheltered in loving arms, and all will be as it should be.
I am half-blood Cherokee. Your words speak to my heart.

Vee said...

Looking for a spider and his ode... ☺

Amy said...

Very beautiful words, Sandy. I love your comments about the feather. I like to put birds in my artwork as a simple reminder to me that "His Eye Is On The Sparrow."

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