Seriously, this is the appointment where they think I am 101 years old. I am really hoping to have fun with this. It is unknown if I will have to have the above mentioned test done or not, they just told me I need to be prepared just in case. I have had two other appointments one with good results ruling out one possibiliy and the other confirming that I need to see this specialist, so I still know nothing.
Well, I can tell you one thing there is nothing wrong with and that is my ability to scream. For some reason I have been as jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs! I went on a simple errand, only five things on my list, easy, that is until I scared a poor cart collector to death, embarrased us both, and drew stares, parking lot security, and became the subject of some cell phone photos in the process.
I went to one of our local super stores to pick up a few items and had myself another little adveture. First item on the list is a four pack of facial tissue. I get to the isle and the brand I want is sold out save one lonely package all the way at the back of these really deep shelves. Try as I might my short arms would not reach so I thought I'd just duck in and retreive them quickly and no one would be the wiser, wrong! I dive in up to my waist, grab the package and shimmy back out quickly only to be met by the grinning face of a little old lady who quipped, "Did you get the orange juice?", refering to the commercial. I reddened and laughed and said they were fresh out but they gave me these instead, holding up the tissues.
Next I need some vanilla extract. I get to the isle and there is only one bottle left, it's on the top shelf. I have to stand back across the isle to see it. I am frustrated becasue I can't reach it. I glimpse around and no one is looking so I climb up the shelves, grab it, and hop back down only to be facing the same grinning little lady who says, "Did you get it this time?" "Uh, no, just this." I said as I held up the vanilla.
OK, on to the dog food isle. First I hoist and wrestle a fifty pound bag of dog food for our two big outside dogs into the buggy. Then I find the brand I want for our inside dog and can you believe this, it too is the last one on the second shelf from the top all the way at the back! I looked around for a store clerk and couldn't find a single soul so I decided I just retrieve it myself. I didn't see anyone looking so I hopped up into the shelf and scooted in grabbing the bag of food and started to scoot back out when something caught my clothing and I got stuck. A large button on my jacket had slid between the two by four slats on the shelving and was wedged in really tight.
I have a sudden vision of a scene from Winnie the Pooh where he visits rabbits house, eats too much honey and gets stuck on his way out. Rabbit plops a shelf across his bent legs, draws a face on his rear and ties two sticks on to look like antlers. I put my forehead down on the wood and began to shake with uncontrollable laughter wondering if the security camera guy was watching or if the old lady stalker was living vicariously through my expolits. I fianlly managed to get one arm out of my jacket and slid out with dog food in tow. I rescued my self and my jacket with button still intact, my pride not so much. I jetted off that isle noting that I didn't see any spectators.I managed to get a whole gallon of milk without any problems and headed to the check out. I am minding my own business, even remembering where I had parked my car this time, when I start to unload my purchases into my trunk. I turned from putting in the smaller items to hoist the fifty pound bag of dog food out of the buggy and when I did, right behind me hovering over over me was a huge man. I screamed bloody murder which translated into, "Back off buddy, your in my personal space!" He threw up his hands and I screamed again thinking I was about to be shoved into my trunk! He took a step and I screamed again. He kept trying to shush me and I wasn't having any of it. The third scream died on my lips when I saw the logo on his shirt and looked up into his face and recognized him for the very sweet and helpful cart collector that he was.
He was trying to explain that he was only going to help me out by lifting the large heavy bag into my tunk for me when the parking lot security arrived. He squinted at me and I thought uh oh, we have met before! I was at least ten shades of red and falling all over myself apologizing to the poor man and trying to explain that he had startled me and I had not heard him walk up behind me. By this time we had drawn a crowd and some one even snapped a cell phone photo! I think I will make the National Enquirer yet! We finally got it all worked out. Now I will have to go all the way across town to shop at an identical super store where no one knows me, yet.
Anyway, I hope you all have a good week and I'll probalby post again on Wednesday or so.