Miss Sandy's Chris"miss" Adventures, Part 1.....

Dear readers, one thing one must not do is leave Miss Sandy unattended for very long because if this happens she will inadvertently get into some kind of scrape or have some outlandish adventure. I am notorious for these little adventures around Christmas time. These stories have become legend in our family and are told and retold at all the family gatherings. Truth be told mostly these things happen to me because I am not paying attention or in a hurry and some are just destined to be. My daughter actually loves to be along on these little "Adventures" as she calls them. You know it is bad when the daughter warns the mother as she leaves the house not to get into any scrapes. Only sometimes I don't even have to leave the house, like the time when my son was five years old....
It was cold winter evening a couple of weeks before Christmas. My husband was working late this particular evening, so I made my son and I an early dinner and got bath time out of the way. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was coming on television and I thought I'd take advantage of that hour to wrap some Christmas gifts. I made my tiny son a soft blanket nest on the couch and turned on Rudolph.

I was merrily wrapping presents when I noticed I needed a couple of garment boxes. I knew I had a few extra ones in my Christmas wrap storage bin so I thought I'd just pop up and get them. I pulled down that attic stairs, which were located in the hallway, flicked on the light, and climbed up. Now only half of this attic was floored but that was a no-brainer because the other half was very visibly just ceiling joists and insulation. Everything we had stored up there was obviously on the floored side. I located the storage bin but it had been pushed up under the eve so I had to step out further than normal to get it. No problem, only when I backed up something underfoot snapped, gravity suddenly took hold and I found myself hanging by my arm pits! From my arm pits down I was in the living room and from the arm pits up I was still in the attic! I had stepped on what I thought was flooring but in reality was a piece of sheet rock that was turned over and the backing was showing making me think it was a solid surface.

At that moment I am not sure whether to laugh or cry or even how I am going to get out of the whole mess when a commercial comes on television. My son comes out of his TV comma and I hear a little giggle followed by, "Golly Mom! Your legs is sticking through the ceiling!" Then a pause follows and I hear the attic stairs creaking, up pops his head and he says, "Hey mom, can I try that?" I am ashamed to say that I was a bit harsh in my response and hissed, "NO YOU MAY NOT!", through clenched teeth. See, I was stuck, I couldn't drop on through because some nails were preventing me from moving without becoming a serious pin cushion, my ribs were hurting something fierce, and I lacked the upper body strength to pull myself up plus I had no way of getting a grip.

I asked my son if he thought he could get the front door unlocked and go next door to get Grandpa to come and help me. He said he could, when the next "mercial" came on! I hissed again, "NO, GO NOW!" Well, there was some whining involved and getting on shoes was a loooooong drawn out process because the show had come back on, and could I please help him zip his jacket cause it was cold outside,( insert another hiss here-"NO"), oh and he'd need a flashlight 'cause it was dark! Finally at the next "mercial" break he went next door, only he was gone a very loooooong time!

When he got next door he calmly told Grandpa that mom needed him to come next door. He left out a few details! Grandpa and he were great computer buddies and he got interested in what Grandpa was doing, forgot all about that red nosed reindeer and me, and settled in for a computer session.

After a bit longer Grandpa asks what I need and the little imp starts to laugh uncontrollably, I am later told, and tells him, with sound effects I might add, in great and loooooong detail as only a five year old can do, that he was watching Rudolph, "You know Grandpa the one the other deers won't play with 'cause his nose glows red like a blinkin' beacon. Grandpa, did you know that he KNOWS Santa? Do you know Santa? Do you have any magic corn? I'm gonna try and catch a reindeer and feed him magic corn to see if he can fly!" Grandpa interrupts here and asks again what I need. "Well, I's watchin' Rudolph, and..." Grandpa says, "You told me that part." "Um OK, then there was a 'splosion (insert sound effects here!) and then the 'mercial came on and mommy's legs was sticking out of the roof!" (insert hilarious laughter from son here!) This news startled Grandpa who unceremoniously dumped young grandson in the floor and took off out the door, crashing through the hedge, and into our front door to be confronted with the sight of half of his daughter-in-law dangling through the ceiling. He asked if I was OK and all I could do was laugh. By this time I'd hung there so long my arm pits were numb and I wondered exactly what it looked like through my huge front window when motorists stopped at the stop sign on the corner in front of our house and looked right before turning and could see legs hanging down in my living room.

He chipped away the extra sheet rock and removed the nails that threatened to impale me and helped me slip through the hole. All the time my son, who had bolted after Grandpa, sat watching. He said, "Well, I guess we don't need a chimbley after all, Santa can just use that big ol' hole!"

Christmas Laughter,

Miss Sandy

P.S. I was not badly hurt, only a few minor scrapes, one damaged ceiling, and a bruised ego! I have often been reminded to wear a parachute when going into an attic, which I am not allowed to enter anymore, and that skydiving is usually done outside!