"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
Last Tuesday my world tipped a little bit on its axis. We received a letter with a few short sentences that changed everything. As I lay down that night, sleep eluded me. I could hear it, that staccato beating of two hearts connected by the invisible strings of love. One beating in a rhythm of excitement, anticipation, full of plans for a fulfilled longing. The other, feeling the pull and tug of the inevitable snapping of those very heart strings that have bound them these 21 years.Exactly 35 paces apart lay these two hearts. Neither one allowing the owner a wink of sleep. One heart straining towards the future, while the other recalled the past. The more selfish of the two wanted to initially hide the information that the lines of that letter contained, but knew it would be very wrong to do so. The selfish heart thought it was ready and prepared for this news to arrive someday, just not THAT day, some other day in the distant future might have been fine, but perhaps not. The selfish heart knew that it might never be ready for this news.The selfish heart felt distinctly the stretch and small tear that is always required when turning loose and letting go is required. The selfish heart could not bear the pain alone so it sent pictures to its companion, the mind. The mind cold not process the flow of shifting feelings as quickly as the heart transmitted them, it only saw emptiness.An image of an empty room. An image of one listening for familiar sounds but hearing only silence. An image of a clock, ticking away minutes that are past and can never be recaptured. An image of a heart, breaking just a little. A final image of a world familiar and comfortable, tipping a bit on its axis.They say that to have children is to have your heart walking around outside your body. I say it is true. My heart, my Darling Daughter, is moving into her first place. While I am excited for her and this new chapter in her life, I think she will be walking away with my heart in her hands.