There I lay in a peaceful slumber, nestled under a soft comfy blanket with my head cradled by a fluffy down pillow, totally unaware of the danger that lurked nearby. I moved slightly to burrow deeper into my pillow when I thought I was dreaming that something was crawling on my face. Automatic response kicked in and I slapped myself in the face hoping to squish and swish whatever was there off. I sat up in bed slapping at everything in sight. Kind of startled Handy Hubby as he was in slapping range. He asked me if I was dreaming and I said I thought I was.
Just to be sure I turned on the light, seeing nothing, I lay back down with a sense of unease and the sting of my self-inflicted slap still burning my cheek and chin. Two short hours later I awoke to a burning, stinging pain. Looking into the mirror I was shocked to see that I was now in possession of Jay Leno's chin! Surprise! Upon closer examination I detected two sets of puncture wounds on my chin.
Further investigation reveal a crumpled up criminal on the carpet next to the bed...he was dead! I slid the culprit into a Ziplock body bag, minus the toe tag, (do spiders even have toes?) ready to send him to the morgue for identification which was going to be a little hard since there was that swish and squish thing.
Handy Hubby and Darling Daughter decided to team up for their own little CSI segment to identify the suspect. They got all high tech Googling and magnifying glass oogling the body. I got the pleasure of sitting by while listening to statements like this: " Uh oh! Not good! This guy has three sets of eyes instead of the typical four sets." " Oh no! He has hair on his legs instead of spikes." " Is that a fiddle shaped tattoo on his back? Hard to tell, he's kind of squished there but sure looks like it." Darling Daughter even goes as far as being a sketch artist drawing out details to use in comparison to the high tech data base of Google mug shots of spiders!
They are pretty sure they have made an identification when these two goobs decide to see if they can track down some of the dead guys posse. Surprise! One of the dead guys gang members was hiding out in our closet. He is more mature and tough looking, more easily identifiable by the distinct fiddle shaped tattoo etched on his back, they were members of the Brown Recluse Gang! This was a gang initiation gone horribly wrong.The big guy dared the little guy to scurry up the dust ruffle, run across the pillows and faces of the two innocent sleeping victims, scram off the other side, zigzag through the maze of under the bed container storage and make it back to the closet unscathed. The little guy panicked when he detected movement from the first innocent bystander and shot off two rounds of venom. Unfortunately for him, he received a deadly squish and swish slap that landed him crumpled on the carpet. The big guy was just hanging out in the closet waiting for his chance to retaliate, fortunately, my crime solving team made an arrest and he received a royal flush as sentencing.
In the meantime my chin is looking a little less Lenoish and I have passed the 48 hour danger zone mark where discoloration and deterioration take place, so things look better. I have been seriously freaked out thinking I might just be starring in another crime drama, Scarface! Other than a few other minor side effects everything is fine. I am waging my own war on crime cleaning, spraying, and setting up a sting operation of special Brown Recluse Gang traps that will take their own little bite out of crime!On a happier note I did have something wonderful happen after all the trauma and drama, I won KC Willis $200.00 Art Shopping spree at her gallery. Surprise! (in a good way) I have to thank KC for her generosity and I can't wait to view her gallery and own a piece of her amazing art!
I hope all of you have an amazing and safe Labor Day Weekend!
P.S. I do know that Brown Recluse do not spin webs, plus a few thousand other facts about them compliments of my detective team, but I think the intricacy and beauty of the woven webs are quite marvelous and they do fit the spider theme of the post so that is why I chose them for my photos, just in case you are wondering.