Friday, September 3, 2010


I love surprises and spiders are OK if they go their way and I go mine but, when a spider and a surprise are all wrapped up in one, this is not the kind of package I want to receive. I found myself on the receiving end of just such a gift at 4:00 AM Tuesday morning.

There I lay in a peaceful slumber, nestled under a soft comfy blanket with my head cradled by a fluffy down pillow, totally unaware of the danger that lurked nearby. I moved slightly to burrow deeper into my pillow when I thought I was dreaming that something was crawling on my face. Automatic response kicked in and I slapped myself in the face hoping to squish and swish whatever was there off. I sat up in bed slapping at everything in sight. Kind of startled Handy Hubby as he was in slapping range. He asked me if I was dreaming and I said I thought I was.
Just to be sure I turned on the light, seeing nothing, I lay back down with a sense of unease and the sting of my self-inflicted slap still burning my cheek and chin. Two short hours later I awoke to a burning, stinging pain. Looking into the mirror I was shocked to see that I was now in possession of Jay Leno's chin! Surprise! Upon closer examination I detected two sets of puncture wounds on my chin.

Further investigation reveal a crumpled up criminal on the carpet next to the bed...he was dead! I slid the culprit into a Ziplock body bag, minus the toe tag, (do spiders even have toes?) ready to send him to the morgue for identification which was going to be a little hard since there was that swish and squish thing.
Handy Hubby and Darling Daughter decided to team up for their own little CSI segment to identify the suspect. They got all high tech Googling and magnifying glass oogling the body. I got the pleasure of sitting by while listening to statements like this: " Uh oh! Not good! This guy has three sets of eyes instead of the typical four sets." " Oh no! He has hair on his legs instead of spikes." " Is that a fiddle shaped tattoo on his back? Hard to tell, he's kind of squished there but sure looks like it." Darling Daughter even goes as far as being a sketch artist drawing out details to use in comparison to the high tech data base of Google mug shots of spiders!

They are pretty sure they have made an identification when these two goobs decide to see if they can track down some of the dead guys posse. Surprise! One of the dead guys gang members was hiding out in our closet. He is more mature and tough looking, more easily identifiable by the distinct fiddle shaped tattoo etched on his back, they we
re members of the Brown Recluse Gang! This was a gang initiation gone horribly wrong.The big guy dared the little guy to scurry up the dust ruffle, run across the pillows and faces of the two innocent sleeping victims, scram off the other side, zigzag through the maze of under the bed container storage and make it back to the closet unscathed. The little guy panicked when he detected movement from the first innocent bystander and shot off two rounds of venom. Unfortunately for him, he received a deadly squish and swish slap that landed him crumpled on the carpet. The big guy was just hanging out in the closet waiting for his chance to retaliate, fortunately, my crime solving team made an arrest and he received a royal flush as sentencing.

In the meantime my chin is looking a little less Lenoish and I have passed the 48 hour danger zone mark where discoloration and deterioration take place, so things look better. I have been seriously freaked out thinking I might just be starring in another crime drama, Scarface! Other than a few other minor side effects everything is fine. I am waging my own war on crime cleaning, spraying, and setting up a sting operation of special Brown Recluse Gang traps that will take their own little bite out of crime!On a happier note I did have something wonderful happen after all the trauma and drama, I won KC Willis $200.00 Art Shopping spree at her gallery. Surprise! (in a good way) I have to thank KC for her generosity and I can't wait to view her gallery and own a piece of her amazing art!

I hope all of you have an amazing and safe Labor Day Weekend!

Miss Sandy

P.S. I do know that Brown Recluse do not spin webs, plus a few thousand other facts about them compliments of my detective team, but I think the intricacy and beauty of the woven webs are quite marvelous and they do fit the spider theme of the post so that is why I chose them for my photos, just in case you are wondering.


Celestial Charms said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through this trauma. Yes, I would consider that trauma. :) I have lots of spiders in my home, and like you, I'm fine with them as long as they keep their distance. However, I am fearful of the brown recluse, which does roam in our parts here in Central Texas. I probably would need your CSI team to identify one, though! ;)
Have a relaxing weekend.

LuLu Kellogg said...

I am SO glad you are OK! That is scary!!


LiLi M. said...

I really like the way you wrote this story! Hope that you have recovered totally. Some researcher has found out that the average person eats -I thought it was- 6 spiders in a lifetime in his/her sleep. Mmm perhaps that makes you feel better, at least this one didn't enter!

Happy labor day weekend.

Ima Weed said...

Some great 'web' shots. Hope your chin is back to looking like your own.

Becky K. said...

Ackkk! How horrid! I am so glad you have passed the danger time with no further damage.

I despise spiders with everything that is in me. They don't like me much either.

One night we went to kill one in our family room and it had an egg sack that broke open dumping what appeared to be thousands of the little critters all over the floor. I screamed and shook for a very long time...while Warren vacuumed them up and changed the vacuum bag.

Becky K.

sweetlaraine said...

Oh my.....I shuddered when I read your post.
I had to call the exterminator on the 24th because my spare bathroom medicine chest was infested with roaches. I hardley ever use that bathroom so I figure they were gathering for at least two weeks before I discovered them. UGGGGG!
Have you seen a doctor about the bite...if memory serves they can be nasty if not treated. I hope all will be ok.
Have a great weekend.

MISS PEACH ~(^.^)~ said...

Oh dear me oh my! If I would have been there upon your bed, no spider would have stood a chance with my swift velvet covered iron paws!
Love Miss Peach

Vee said...

O dear heavens! I didn't catch on to what you were saying in that note you wrote me until just now. Miss Sandy, how nasty that brown recluse was. Glad that you have taken the proper steps to eradicate this bugger. I must say that your sense of humor has remained perfectly intact...well, of course it would, now that you have Jay Leno's chin.

The English Romantic said...

Hi Sandy,
That sounds so scary. We have pretty tame spiders here in the UK,yours sound frightening!
It's great that you won her giveaway, I've joined Collage Camp since your post about her box,I'm waiting for mine to arrive, can't wait!
Pop over to see me and join my first 'Giveaway' I would love to see you.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what scares me more than spiders. I think I could even encounter a bear outside my house and I wouldn't be as afraid as spiders make me. Worst case scenario, other than what you just went through while in BED: while inside a car and it's moving and you can't open the door to get OUT!

How did you EVER go back to sleep!
Hugs!!! Diane

Bonita said...

You are very blessed and God really protected you! My cousin nearly lost her leg to a Brown Recluse and my husband's friend nearly died from a bite on his arm that got infected. The angels of the Lord are watching out for you!

I'm glad you're de-ganging your surroundings.

Congrats on the win! I know that's right up your alley and a great consolation after your trauma.

Bonita said...

You are very blessed and God really protected you! My cousin nearly lost her leg to a Brown Recluse and my husband's friend nearly died from a bite on his arm that got infected. The angels of the Lord are watching out for you!

I'm glad you're de-ganging your surroundings.

Congrats on the win! I know that's right up your alley and a great consolation after your trauma.

Michelle Palmer said...

So glad you are okay and made it past the danger period... ewwwie... so very scary!!! Love your post~ it was an adventure!
The web photos are stunning~ I am thankful the snow will soon cover ours. Although the "books & info." say the Brown Burdens are not in our area we know of two people who have been bitten by them...
Wishing you all the best~

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