A Reluctant Writer Asks, Whadaya Think?

"Fair words gladden so many a heart."

Longfellow - Tales of a Wayside Inn.

The Musician's Tale.

Miss Sandy has been avoiding answering a question that has been frequently asked in comments and through private emails, sooooo, I'd like a little blog block honesty. It has been asked if I am published, suggested that I sell my stories, or that I should be a writer. It is one thing to share a story and quite another to pursue publishing. I am quite comfortable here as my anonymous self, BUT (there always is one, and usually it's a BIG one!) I know in my heart that this may be a part of the plan for my life. I have struggled with this issue for almost six years now, ever since my first article was published.

I have been a closet writer all my life, keeping my words secreted away from public view. I have diaries, those little lock and key kind, from when I was quite young. I loved every writing assignment that was ever given in school and and flourished in English and Journalism. I have always dabbled in poetry, made up stories, recorded real life incidences, and for the last twelve years kept an almost daily journal. These journals started as a prayer tool. Being new in my faith I found it difficult to sit still and pray. My mind pinged all over the place. I found writing kept me focused on the task at hand. Then I began to add how I saw God at work in my life. I have recorded poetry, family blessings, family devotionals, special devotionals and activities for holidays and celebrations, and life lessons and observations that I am learning or have been taught, along with prayers for family, friends, etc. These pages record the good in my life, the bad, and sometimes even the ugly. They are honest and they are my conversations with God.
In April of 2001 I awoke one night and just had these words floating in my mind and I could not shake them so I crawled out of bed at 3:00 a.m. and gave birth to what was to become my fist published piece. Oddly enough it was about my first born child. I didn't know why I was writing it and I had no intention of sharing it. I thought it would just be another piece of the legacy of faith I was recording for my children because that is all I thought those journals to be.
A month or so after this was written and tucked away I had a very strong urging to type this piece up and I tucked it into my Bible. I thought perhaps that I would meet someone who needed to hear those words and they might help or encourage them in some way. Wanting to be obedient to what I felt led to do I prayed and waited. Fast forward one week later on a sunny Sunday morning I am sitting in church with my family and our pastor opens up the service for a time of praise and sharing. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that THIS was the moment for which those words had been written. There was one slight hitch in this whole thing - I don't do public speaking, ever! I had the strongest urge to turn around and stick my tongue out at my mother for teaching me obedience!
I swallowed my fear, stuck my hand into my Bible withdrawing the folded pages, rose to my feet, took a deep breath, and I obediently began to read. A deafening hush fell over the church and I was sure my voice could not be heard over my rattling quaking bones. I sat back down to stunned silence, who knew quiet little Miss Sandy had that many words in her? After services I just wanted the quickest exit out of the building but was stopped by what seemed to be a billion people telling me that this needed to be published. I laughed. When I was finally within sight of the door a hand reached out, clasp my arm, and drew me aside. It was my pastor. I felt like I was being called in to the principals office. I was instructed to wait until he was through with his greeting duties.
When he finished he asked my husband and I to step into his office and proceeded to tell me that he firmly believed that I needed to pursue publication. I got a slight lecture on hiding my light under a bushel and was urged to think about it. I said I would and before we left he asked for a copy and my permission to make it available to anyone in our congregation who wanted a copy. I said this was fine and went home with a headache.

My pastor believed in me and the message of those words so strongly that he contacted an editor of a well-known Christian publication on my behalf. Now this particular magazine does not take unsolicited articles, much less articles from some unknown author. He must have been very persuasive because the editor agreed to read it if it was faxed to him immediately as he was headed out of town. Meanwhile I am struggling away, do it, don't do it, do it, don't do it and my phone rings. I answer and it is a representative of the magazine and they want to buy my article and publish it in the May 2002 Mother's Day issue. She spits out an amount they will pay, I gasp, she explains the terms, asks for my email address, gives me the name of the editor who will contact me, and the next thing I know the contract is in the mail!
When my church family found out there was much rejoicing and I was totally uncomfortable with my new status. Well, not everyone was happy, one person was downright mean about it and it caused so much hurt I thought about hurling my favorite writing pen into the sea! (That would have been a record breaking hurl as I live no where near the sea!) Insecurity, uncertainty, and doubt crept in to camp around me and I withdrew. I never pursued being published. I have one and only one published piece to my name (Oh, and get this, they spelled my name wrong on the by line, talk about being kept humble!). I put away any thought of this path until I was through home schooling my daughter. I wouldn't pursue this path because when I do something I do it wholeheartedly and I would have went into it with a divided heart and either writing or schooling would have suffered. I really wanted all the time I could spend with my daughter and I wanted no regrets. Well, she graduated this past May and hubby says my time is up, no more procrastination, WRITE! He believes in me so much that he built me a little writing cottage by our garden pond where I can retreat to a tranquil place with no interruptions.

One of the many reasons I started to blog was to get back into writing practice. I thought it would be a good way to get feedback and this feels like a safe way to share my writing. I've been quietly doing some homework, I joined a writing group, I attended a mini writing seminar via the internet the other night, and I am checking into building a writing web site through a group where editors and publishers access the sites looking for material to publish. So, back to the post title question, whadaya think? I'd really like some honest feedback - critique away - I have to learn to take it if I'm gonna make it!

Confession of a Reluctant Writer,

Miss Sandy